Jay Leno from October 8, 2004

Friday Night October 8
Leno
I'm sure you all heard the report is in and no weapons have been found. But enough about Martha Stewart's strip search.
As I’m sure you know today, Martha Stewart is off the streets and millions of housewives feel safer. Finally they can have a dinner party without some know-it-all telling them they screwed it all up.
Martha reported to prison before dawn, so no one could see her. It's the same thing she does when she shops at K-Mart.
Martha Stewart entered Alderson Prison this morning at 6:15. But this shows you how efficient she is. By 6:30 she'd cleaned her cell, planned a riot and made ten license plates. She's going to get prisoner of the week.
The prison that Martha Stewart has been sentenced to is nicknamed "Camp Cupcake". The bad news - today, she met cupcake. She's a 280 pound trucker named Madge.
Tonight was the second presidential debate, which was be a town hall format. That's where everyday Americans, not just reporters, get a chance to have their questions avoided.
To relax President Bush spent today fishing in the rain. Am I missing something - are they afraid he was a little too prepared for the last debate.
Last night John Kerry stayed at a hotel in Colorado to get ready for the debate today. A hotel in Colorado. Today, Kobe called him and said, "Whatever you do, don't order room service!"
Do you know there are now dating services that fix people up based on their political leanings? If you're a Republican they fix you up with a Republican. If you're Democrat they fix you up with a Democrat. And if you're a Nader supporter, they actually fix you up with Ralph Nader.
How stupid is this - a Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun?
Now how doers this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!
Did you hear about this? This is one of those only in California stories - elementary school students in Berkeley are receiving a class credit for "lunch". Since they learn about nutrition, lunch is now considered a class. See, that's when you know we're getting too fat in this country, when students are actually majoring in lunch!
What if you flunked lunch? How embarrassing would that be?
You know parents will walk around going, "My Timmy is an exceptional child. Only 8 but he's eating at a 9th grade level."
I got a hell of a deal today; I went on eBay and bought a flu shot.
The Dodgers got killed again last night in St. Louis. You know that last people to have this much trouble with the Cardinals were Boston alter boys.
Anheuser-Busch is coming out with a fruity-smelling beer called "B to the E" - it has caffeine and herbal supplements in it. Apparently their research showed a lot of consumers felt that wine coolers just weren't gay enough.
Starbucks has raised their prices. Starbucks is so expensive now, a lot of people are going to AA meetings just for the free coffee.